Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy

            How do you identify yourself? Are you tall or short? Skinny or fat? Beautiful or ugly? Kind or mean? Happy or depressed? Most of the time we identify ourselves by what other people label us. From such a young age, who we are is decided for us and we are told of our own personalities. In the novel Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy, Jude and Sue have both been told their entire lives that they are unfit for marriage simply because both of their parents had been. This leads them to rush into their first marriage and then, getting cold feet and becoming claustrophobic with the fear of commitment, they leave. This is what causes the pair to never marry and eventually leads to the tragic end of their love affair. If the couple had not been convinced of this primal characteristic flaw that they both shared, they would not have been convinced of their inevitable doom. For some reason, we see nothing wrong with letting other people decide who we are- which is truly alarming. Society tries to shape us into these clay figures that cannot act or think for themselves. We are merely being used as puppets by people who are in higher power than us. Without us they are useless, so they need to make us feel as if we need them.

            Throughout most of the book, Jude and Sue debate on whether or not to get married. Sue was unable to see the value in the ceremony and; therefore, refused on several occasions. This poses the question: Is there value in marriage, or is it just something we do to make ourselves feel as if we are not alone? Recently I went to a few Catholic wedding ceremonies. After the first two weddings, I could not understand why every little girl (myself included) has dreamed of their wedding their entire life. I was thoroughly disappointed by the meaninglessness of the ceremony and how anti-climactic it was. But the third wedding that I went to was amazing. The bride was nice, the family requested the chapel to pray in before the wedding, and most of all when the bride and groom were standing on the alter reading their vows you could feel the love they had for each other oozing from their pores. A day or two later once the events had sunken in, I realized that maybe it was not the ceremony that was meaningless, but the people present and participating in it. The bride and groom decide if there is any value in marriage and it is conveyed to everyone at the wedding. There was value in marriage in the world Thomas Hardy created, just not in the matrimony of Jude and Sue.

            Loss and devastation can do one of two things: (1) cause you to give up on your dream, or (2) make you want that dream even more. In the novel, Jude tries to achieve his dream of going to a prestigious university. No matter how much he studies and how smart he is, something always seems to get in the way- a girl, pride, not having money, another girl. There will always be obstacles in your way that distract you from what you want to do in life, but it is up to you to decide to let those obstacles become a permanent pit stop or if you will graciously move around them. Jude cannot get past any of his obstacles to achieve his dream and later in the novel it is clear how much he regrets this.

             As people get older they say that they wish they could do certain parts over again. They made mistakes or wish they had done things differently. This is incredibly sad. You only have one shot at each day of your life. It is okay to make mistakes and wish you had done things differently, but you should not waste more of your time and life by holding on to those feelings. People disregard some of the more important principles of life- happiness, family, and comfort- for money. Thoreau said “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” If having a lot of money and an important corporate job is imperative to your life then it is worth it, but if you are doing it to make someone else happy or you think it is what you are supposed to do then ask yourself if it is truly worth it. Is sitting at a desk doing paper work for the majority of your life, getting up early, coming home later, being stuck inside a concrete box worth everything that you could be missing?

            Thomas Hardy did a wonderful job of conveying the message that no one can give your life meaning except for you. So many people are living a life that they do not want and are miserable because of this. The only person that is responsible for that and can fix it for yourself is you. People find meaning in their lives in different ways, some find purpose through religion, love, family, learning, etc. Everyone needs something that will make them excited to wake up in the morning; life is about discovering what you truly want out of life.